Poemography 2023 | R.M. Usatinsky

POEMOGRAPHY | 2023

Poems by R.M. Usatinsky

pōəˈmäɡrəfē, noun: form or process of writing and representing poetry

MARCH

01MAR23 | SEVEN YEARS ON

I am still haunted by what I witnessed

that night; in the early hours of a cold

winter's day, woken by footsteps in the

hallway; by unrecognizable voices of men

I feared for all of their lives, played and

re-played all the possible scenarios in my

head, watched as the unassuming grey vehicle

finally pulled away in the hazy light of dawn

it was hours before Linda came to my door;

her face was pale and hollow; how could

such beauty be reduced to this heartbroken

shell of a woman, what cruelty had befallen her?

she told me her story with tear filled eyes, turned

and walked away; the next time I saw her, some

months later, she was a shadow of the woman I

had known, her body ravished by another cruelty

seven years on those images remain so profoundly

embedded in my memory; and like footprints in freshly

fallen snow or the frozen morning dew that crackles

beneath your feet, it is an icy, bitterly cold remembrance

02MAR23 | HEALING

Time does heal all wounds

it seals the fissures made by

heartbreak and disillusionment;

distance, loss, animosity and absence

I can barely remember what

your voice sounded like, your

photos are all but unrecognizable;

your music inharmoniously unfamiliar

but there are the memories, occasional

remembrances of bygone times, better

times and brighter days when we were

who we were and nothing came between us

I don't think of you as often as I used to

and imagine as the years go by thoughts

of you will dwindle quietly into repose

floating in the outermost realm of my mind

and when the time comes to confront the past,

there will be no forgiveness or jubilant exaltations,

only the scars of desecration cut upon the flesh and

deep within the common existence that was our bond

03MAR23 | UNFATHOMABLE PAIN

How will I overcome this unfathomable pain?

pain from the loss of loved ones, friends, iconic

celebrities and personal heroes whose passing I will

be summoned to endure as my own mortality wanes

the endless phone calls in the middle of the night;

unstoppable tears that flow from eyes sore from

mourning; the silent screams and shortness of

breath; the tightness in my chest and shooting pain

but just whose loss will move me the deepest is

difficult to surmise; singers I suppose, Robert,

Roland, Gordon and more than a few named Paul;

how cruel is death that only leaves the living slain

and what if the unthinkable happens, the thing I

can't even bring myself to mention let alone ponder

for fear that its thought alone would destroy me;

how could I ever bear a loss as harrowing as that?

contemplating all of this has left me with a despair

I'm afraid will simply never subside; why, then, could

I not simply steal away, pack a bag and catch a train

to some faraway place where death will never find me

04MAR23 | TAKING THE REINS

I am done playing the blame game

it's time to step up and fall into line

to take the reins, to become the adult

in the room and accept responsibility

it's a simple matter of doing what needs

to be done, tallying numbers, organizing

the books, keeping track of things and

making sure to get the receipts and invoices

I never aspired to be a businessman and don't

pretend to know much about the inner workings

or intricacies of commerce and finance, but I do

run a small business which requires my attention

and while it's been easy and uncomplicated up

until now, that's all about to change so I'm getting

down to brass tacks and starting to take things

more seriously and seeking the advice of others

I'll sleep better at night knowing that my affairs

are in order, that what's coming in comes in and

what's going out gets out; now all that's needed is

a bit of patience, diligence and confidence in myself

05MAR23 | THE BENEFACTOR

It seems my life does have some value

after all, some monetary value, that is;

and you recognized that value from early

on and exploited it in a sordid kind of way

I sat quietly at the big oval table in the

notary's office, nodding and smiling and

signing and initialing where I was told to

sign and initial; and did it happily for you

there was never a question of doubt or lack

of trust; this was to be a home for our family

and I felt part of that family, at least I was made

to feel like I was genuinely part of that family

but it seems I was more of a benefactor, a hope

and a prayer that someday, sooner rather than

later, my untimely demise would serve to clean

the slate, wipe out the debt and pay the balance due

and that's why I never saw those letters, the ones you

said were from the pension fund; but now I know what

those letters really were and why I wasn't meant to see

them; as Hesiod said, the fool only knows after he has suffered

06MAR23 | NUMBER FIVE

I know a little something about control

not because I am a controlling person, but

because I have observed firsthand how others

control or allow themselves to be controlled

now it prefaces to say I know nothing about

you, about you or him or your very unique

set of circumstances; but what I did observe

on Saturday afternoon left me a bit concerned

I imagine it can't be easy being so beautiful,

intelligent and seductive and no doubt capturing

the fancy of many admirers, but good looks and

charisma often come with a high price these days

and while I'll be the first to admit I was taken in

by your picturesque charm and old world allure, I

was just as startled to see how discomposed you became

every time the phone rang or a text message came through

what price do we pay for love and to hold on to what we

think we need when deep down we know it's not as much

as what we need but what we fear losing most? I'm sorry

I made you cry, but sorrier still that my pain kindled yours

07MAR23 | EIGHT

Happiness is often found where you least

expect to find it; in the ripple that rolls so

gently across the canal; in the outstretched

wings of a swan as it prepares to take flight

it was on this day eight years ago that one

of the happiest events in my life took place;

you came into this world with a smile on

your face that illuminated the universe

you came and you touched my heart in ways

I could have never imagined; you were the

light in a life whose luster was beginning to

fade, whose meaning was beginning to wane

so, today you are celebrated and loved, loved

beyond words and loved for the unconditional

love you manifest in everything you do; loved

for your smile and your wholesome giving heart

wishing you a happy eighth birthday with the

hope that this and every passing year brings you

tenfold the joy and abundance you bring to others;

may your days be one hundred and twenty years

08MAR23 | A WOMAN OF VALOR

I have been surrounded by women

all my life; raised by my mother and

grandmother and by the gentle strength

of Elnora, who I remember so fondly

and she, of all the women who have been

a part my life, though not of my own blood,

race, religion or family was, quite possibly,

the one woman who loved me more than any

for it takes an extraordinary and selfless soul

to care for and love another who is not one of

your own, and care for me she did and in the

most unassuming, loving and generous ways

I would spend hours at the community center

my great-grandfather managed and keeping a

young boy entertained, safe and settled wasn't

an easy task, but she was resourceful and keen

sitting me down in the kitchen in front of an old

black and white TV, she'd cut a block of vanilla

ice cream from the carton, put it into a bowl and

pour Coke on top while I watched the Cubs game

09MAR23 | THE INDIVIDUALIST

I have always been somewhat of a lone wolf

choosing to go at it alone, taking on all the

responsibility and basking in all the glory

of whatever it was I was endeavoring upon

I suppose it's a bit of insecurity and fear of

failure, the not wanting to disappoint others

for my shortcomings; disappointing myself

is sufferable and I'm quick to be self-forgiving

so, why am I telling you this? I'm telling you

this so when you ask me when my play will

be finished and when I tell you I have no idea

we'll both have a mutual perception of things

and when I tell you there's no one who wants

to see this creation come to life as much as I

do, I'm hoping you'll sit back in your chair and

smile or nod or ever so casually stroke your brow

in the end, I'll do it my way, in my own time and

with whatever resources I can muster up; I have

to be the one who decides that this is my calling

that this is the life I was always meant to live

10MAR23 | AWKWARD SILENCE

When the silence becomes like a baby's whisper
that is when you know you have found someone
who really hears you through the raucous patter;

the unbearable din of inconsequence and disorder

silence is never awkward when there is synergy;

when two people connect at the outer reaches of

the human condition, when everything that has

been said has been said before and said again

and there can be no awkward silence when there

is trust, respect and admiration; silence is never

silence when the frequency transmits kindness

and the undulating waves fill the void of voice

it doesn't matter that the stories are the same or

the images painted by words are unassailable in

their sadness and resolve; this is who we are, who

we have always been and from whence we came;

so, listen a little more closely to the silence, for

within you will hear my heartbeat and feel the

resonance of my being; and when the silence is

finally broken, my words will flood the heavens

11MAR23 | WELCOME HOME

It was a cold and lonely trek to Rotterdam, but I

always make an effort to meet you at the airport

when you come home (I've been making airport

runs since I was a child as my mother was the

designated picker-upper in our family as she

was the only one with a car); so, I suppose you

could say I have airport runs in my blood; and

there's always the anticipation of seeing you for

the first time in months (it's been five since your

last visit) and I always try to remember to mind

my posture and stand up straight when greeting

you with that first hug when you walk into the

arrivals hall so I don't appear (that much) shorter

than you! and that first hug is what has kept me

going all these many months; that hug and the

sight of seeing you and catching up on things

hearing how you've been getting along, knowing

that you've been well, happy and productive with

your burgeoning new career; but I'm just happy to

have you home, close and able to share some time

12MAR23 | ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

I’ve always wondered if I really died that day

in late October 1981 in the grassy median on

that Missouri highway after having only left

home for the last time some six hours earlier

I have few recollections of that day, packing

up my '72 Camaro with my dog, Fender amp

and Rob Simon's orangeburst Hamer that he

promised would make me a rock star in L.A.

and I remember my mother standing in the

third floor window of the three-flat we lived

in on Washtenaw peering down at me with

tears in her eyes as I drove off waving to her

I had cleverly lodged a thick tree branch

between my seat and the gas pedal which,

like a makeshift cruise control, let me rest my

leg that was already tired and beginning to cramp

suddenly the car began jumping violently and felt

as if I was driving over rocky, rugged terrain which,

in fact, I was; I slowly started breaking and took stock

of my surroundings before coming to a stop in the grass

13MAR23 | MYSTERIOUS CHORD LAYERS (FOR R.S.)

I’ve had many friends over the course of my life

as one does; some friendships have been temporary

and others life long; but none as constant and quirky

as my friendship with you, how long has it been, 43 years?

I don’t exactly recall how it was we came together, perhaps

it was through David R. who worked at the Milk Pail with my

father; and the first time I sang for you in David’s basement

I was as nervous as I was the day I chanted my haftorah

but you took me in, took me under your wing and showed me

what it was like to be in a band—to be part of a band; even if

I wasn’t the greatest singer, you always made me feel like I

was, and all these years later, you still make me feel that way

you protected me like an older brother (though I’m actually older

than you!); and you looked out for me and made sure no one passed

me a bong, roach clip or whatever those crusty stars were on those

little squares of paper; that was friendship: protective, wholesome;

confession: the night you came by my apartment in Scottsdale with

Burton to collect your guitar, I was home, home but in the company

of someone I was too ashamed for you to meet (ain’t that a kicker!);

and here we are all these years later, still making each other laugh

14MAR23 | THE REFLEX

Yesterday I had what I think may have been a defining

moment in my life; I was riding the 17 tram on my way

to work when the tram driver slammed on the brakes

nearly missing a small red car that cut off the tram

I was seated in one of the window facing side chairs,

an empty seat between me and a young Asian woman;

in a split second, the tram came to an abrupt stop and

out of the corner of my eye I saw the young woman as

she was jolted towards a partitioning wall; and in that

millisecond, I threw my right arm towards her grabbing

the sleeve of her blue nylon winter jacket, stopping her

from hitting the bulkhead and certainly injuring herself;

she turned to me with a confused look and I apologized

saying it was just my natural paternal instinct, telling the

young woman I was father to five children and that any

parent in that situation would have reacted the same way

she thanked me and said she understood and we both kind

of shook the whole thing off, she returning to the game she'd

been playing on her smartphone and me, confounded by the

idea that I may have actually grabbed the girl to save myself

15MAR23 | ROXANA (THE WONDERING)

I think about all the things I'll never get to tell you

all the things you'll never get to hear or know about

the life I've lived and the dreams I've dreamed and

all the days of wonder you and I could have shared

but I guess some things are just not meant to be;

some people like their toast done on one side and

others relish in the calm and quiet of a life void of

music and fuss and things that go bump in the night

and I will often wonder about the pain you endured,

that which brought you to the here and now so far

from the life you came from in the Țeara Rumânească,

a world of lavish though brutal turmoil and oppression

but most of all I would have liked to hear your stories,

listening ever so attentively to the ways you see the

world; the ways you live, love and raise your family;

(is there still a trace of an accent when you speak?)

so, now all that's left to do is wonder; wonder about what

might have been, wonder about how soft your hair would

have felt between my fingers and wonder about what your

beautiful eyes would have seen looking deeply into mine

16MAR23 | RHYMES WITH COFFEE

I should know better; I mean, really, at these

heights, at this advanced age...but what can

I tell you, I'm a sucker for a pretty face and

yours is the prettiest I've seen in some time;

pretty and smooth and clean and lovely; not

a blemish or beauty mark, freckle or pock; so

what is it about you that stands out so notably?

what is the allure that keeps you in my mind?

perhaps it's the air of self-confidence you so

unpretentiously reveal in your forthrightness

or the way you dress in a manner that overflows

with individuality and subtle elegance and class;

and you're smart, funny and engaging; and for no

good reason other than your sophisticated good

manners you remembered my name and were

kind enough to compliment me on my haircut;

though you possess a youthful demeanor (perhaps

because you are young and high spirited), I felt as

though I was in the presence of an old soul, someone

who is ever so worldly and wise beyond their years

17MAR23 | WORLD WAR III

I used to play army when I was a kid; me

and Arthur and Gary and Laz and that pesky

little Sturt kid who always hung around with

us older guys; we were a bad ass battalion

and I loved all those blockbusters with bridges

blowing up and hoards of Nazis being rounded

up by GI Joes or Green Berets and Navy Seals

with grease paint faces and camouflage pants

but today, as war looms in the Eastern sky, I

wonder if Vlad and Jin played soldiers, toting

toy Kalashnikovs or 95s as they ran through

gardens and back alleys seeking out enemies

there is no good thing that will come from this

war, only death and destruction, carnage and

the leveling of cities built to house and protect,

to provide places of wellness, work and worship

I am saddened to see the images of bombed out

houses and women crying over the graves of their

fathers, sons, husbands and brothers; sadder still

thinking of my own children living in the aftermath

18MAR23 | SAYING GOODBYE (FOR E.)

Saying goodbye is never easy, it never fits

well in my mouth and it certainly weighs

heavy on my heart; but we've been saying

goodbye for years and will for years to come

the first time I bid you farewell you were just

a child; young enough not to understand why

I was leaving, where I was going or why you

couldn't come with me; and I felt the same...

and it's not to suggest that saying goodbye gets

any easier, but the one consolation is in knowing

that every goodbye means there will be a new

hello somewhere not too far in the near future

of course there will always be that one, final

goodbye, and of course neither of us knows

when that will be, one never does; like the last

time, years ago, when you put your hand in mine

and by the time I finish these lines, your plane will

have landed and you will be in the comfort of what

has been familiar to you all your life; the explosions

and gunpowder that fill the streets of Valencia tonight

19MAR23 | BUCUREȘTI (FOR R.)

My grandparents loved Bucharest and traveled

there many times during the 1970s; my grandfather

told a story about how they planned their visits to

Romania last on all of their European vacations;

they did this because on the last day of their trip

they would bring their belongings, packed into

two large Samsonite suitcases, to a church in

Bucharest that sat upon a hill in the city center

they would struggle to carry the two heavy

suitcases up the long stone stairway that led

to the church and once inside they would be

greeted by the elderly white-haired caretaker

in addition to their vacation clothes, they made

sure the suitcases contained plenty of sundries

including toothpaste, deodorant and bar soap;

necessities for Bucharest's poorest of the poor

I'm not suggesting anything unscrupulous was taking

place, my grandparents were very generous, but my

grandfather had a habit of losing his navy duffle bag

at every port of call then reporting it to get a new one

20MAR23 | DUST

It accumulates...everywhere; but mostly behind

furniture in hard to reach places where I tend to

find it difficult to maneuver my aging body in

ways to wipe, sweep or vacuum the dust away

and while I never actually observe the dust as

it piles up, it piles up, creating gray mats and

hair-laden clusters taking up their very own

space in the universe of bothersome things

and the havoc it wreaks upon my lungs and

nasal passageways is demoralizing to say the

least; the sneezing and wheezing and snot and

whatnot overwhelming my respiratory system

but dead skin cells, hair, fabric fibers, bacteria,

dust mites and pollen aren't the only culprits as

I recently discovered that our proximity to the

motorway is yet an additional cause for concern

so, I dust the dust and wipe down the dirt and keep

my air purifier clean and change its filter once a year;

and twice a day I spritz a fine mist of saline in each

nostril and give a hearty blow to clear out the airways

21MAR23 | A SOLUTION FOR EVERY DILEMMA

I frequently have to remind myself that there

is a solution for every dilemma; an answer to

every question (Not having the foggiest notion

is also a valid answer); and when I am stopped

dead in my tracks looking for the smallest clues

from the universe, I often ponder what it might

be really like being as clever and resourceful as

I have spent my entire life telling myself I was;

and then there are those conundrums that require

special attention, consultations with people in the

know––accountants, doctors, lawyers, clergymen––

experts who provide solutions and enlightenment

I have already put in a call to my tax advisor this

morning; I'll be seeing my GP on Thursday and

my rabbi next Tuesday; I'm preempting while I'm

also preparing for what awaits upon the horizon

but mostly I am confident, certain that I have enough

will and wherewithal to weather the storm, or storms,

whose menacing cumulonimbus clouds have been

gathering and waiting tenaciously in the distance

22MAR23 | MISUNDERSTOOD

I don't have a middle name, but if I ever chose

to employ one, Misunderstood would be high

on the list of candidates; and as middle names

go, there probably isn't a more fitting moniker

so, it seems, at least from my vantage point, that

I have spent nearly a lifetime being misunderstood;

misunderstood for the things I say, how I act, what

I wear and misunderstood about my purpose in life

and I suppose while being misunderstood has its

mystique in some of the more quirky layers of

human behavior, I can say with a high degree of

confidence I never intended to be misunderstood

so, I take stock of all the relationships I have had

and lost over these many years of my life to a

variety of misunderstandings, misgivings and

miscalculations about the condition of humankind

and if there is anywhere to place blame other than with

myself, I would cite the vast and nearly immeasurable

cultural incompatibilities I have shared with those who

have been, however transiently, my most steadfast allies

23MAR23 | THE FUNERAL

We were high school sweethearts,

met at a 4H public speaking contest

I won the blue ribbon, you won red

next time I saw you was at the JCC

you wore a reddish jersey sundress,

bright white teeth made whiter in

contrast to your deep summer tan

and thick, long, straight brown hair

and today I looked on, unbeknownst

to you or anyone, as your mother was

lovingly eulogized and buried in the

place we both once called our home

seeing your brothers and you all these

years later, 37 years to be exact, brought

back so many vivid memories of our past,

a past of innocence and childhood fancies

you talked about those Friday night dinners

and spending shabbos at home with your

parents; and I was there, too; how odd of

me to think I might have been there today

24MAR23 | NO JEWISH HEIRS

It's not about religion, it never really was;

a rabbi once asked me why I light candles

on Friday night and when I told him it was

because I knew my grandmother would be

proud of me for doing so, he said that was

not a virtuous enough reason to light shabbos

candles; and when that same rabbi got sight of

my tefillin––the ones my zayde wore that were

given to me when he passed away in 1980––he

pronounced they were too old and in an awful state

of deterioration that was no longer "kosher" as the

leather was badly cracked and peeling; he suggested

I buy a new pair (at a considerable expense seeing

how I was somewhat underemployed at the time)

and allow him to properly dispose of (bury) the old

ones; I did this with much trepidation and later deeply

regretted my decision; and as I once again slowly return

to my roots, re-encountering my Jewish-ness, it has now

occurred to me that, regardless of the fact I have five lovely

children, I will leave no Jewish heirs once I am dead and gone

25MAR23 | NO TICKY, NO WASHY

In this game there are no winners and

no losers, but everybody pays a price;

there are only concessions and broken

things likes hearts and trust and people

if only you had the vision, or perhaps I

should say the imagination, to see how

things might have been with such little

effort or compromising your self-esteem

but you have only ever thought about you;

your feelings, your desires, your ambitions

and your vision of what you deemed to be

the perfect little world of your own creation

and now it's all fallen apart, but you don't see

it that way, not yet anyway; but you will, soon

enough, because no ticky, no washy; you can't

have it all without paying the ultimate price;

I blame myself for not having seen the writing

on the wall, but I kept the faith, I believed in you

and put it all on the line, put my bottom dollar

on the losing horse that ended up spitting the bit

26MAR23 | UNDUE INFLUENCE

I get it that you're not happy about what's

to come; there's a spoil in your masterplan

and it's ripping you apart; but that doesn't

mean you're not going to try and backtrack

I remember how a cousin once told me about

how great-grandfather Jacob, on my biological

father's side of the family, used to pit his sons

one against the other to consolidate his control

so, I find it interesting observing how this idea

of influence works, how people are so easily

lured one way or another by gifts and charm

and promises of this or that and what's to come

it's as if I'm already gone, the parcels are being

divvied up and claims made to the pickings of

what will be left behind; vultures are circling

waiting for any morsel to drop from the treetops

but I suppose that's par for the course, this is what is

to be expected, this is human nature, how we function

as a society where everything is short-lived and nothing

really matters other than what matters at this very moment

27MAR23 | HUSBANDS & WIVES

I've never met Steve or Scott, but I've known

their wives all of my life; neighborhood girls,

grammar school friends; and news of their

husbands' cancer battles came out this weekend

sadly, I woke up this morning to find out that

Scott suddenly lost his last night and Steve's

wife had posted a photo from her husband's

hospital room just a few short hours later

these are men around my age, a bit younger

or a bit older I'm not really sure, but good

men, family men, hard-working men with

children and step-children and grandchildren

while I mourn for their wives and families,

their illnesses remind me once again (as if I

really needed reminding) of the fragility of life

and how everything can change in a heartbeat

but my body reacts to a different kind of cancer;

one brought on by close proximity to hatred and

resentment; in that toxic milieu my breathing is

labored while the whole of my being surrenders

28MAR23 | A HAND-TO-MOUTH EXISTENCE

I've lived an amazing and full life, one filled

with immense joy and unparalleled experiences;

I've been there, done that, travelled, lived in a

variety of wonderful countries, cities and towns;

I've been blessed with children and my share of

relationships––all which have ended but not before

bearing the fruits of love and tenderness; you might

say I have been both lucky and unlucky at love;

and in addition to a rewarding (though not always

joyful) twenty-five-year career as a teacher, I have

dillied and dallied having had about one hundred

different jobs in all sorts of work-related fields

but my grandfather said it best many years ago

when he said you've done it all, everything except

make money! and he couldn't have been more

spot on in his brutally honest pronouncement

I've never felt it to be a hardship having lived a

hand-to-mouth existence, I have never aspired to

wealth and my ambitions have been eager though

modest; my wealth transcends money and possessions

29MAR23 | SHALOM BAYIT

There is this concept in Judaism known as

shalom bayit, which literally translated means

"peace in the home;" it comprises harmonious

relationships between husbands and wives

but in the broader sense, it is a device whereby

peacefulness is practiced in the home, by the

family members, each one contributing to the

harmony, cohesion and success of domestic life

for years now, I have lived in a home quite the

polar opposite of this lovely tenet of Talmudic

interpretation; my home is more akin to a war

zone, a dysfunctional dystopia of odious clamor

there is shouting and screaming, swearing and

threats and tumultuous upheaval; and there are

unkind words spoken with virulence and spite

where compassion and encouragement should be

I long for the quiet times of the past, when books

were read and conversations were had and when

family time meant time spent together, not gazing

at screens or raising voices drowning out the calm

30MAR23 | THE BURIAL SOCIETY

I will soon be welcoming the sixtieth summer

of my life, and while I plan on living to be one

hundred and twenty, there are some arrangements

which need to be given careful consideration now

one such arrangement is a funeral and proper

Jewish burial; this week, I have applied to become

a member of the local Jewish community, giving

me the privilege to a grave in the Jewish cemetery

additionally, I will require membership in the

chevra kadisha, or Jewish burial society, who

will undertake the task of the ritual cleansing

of the body as well as dressing and grooming

as to not be a burden on my loved ones, these

arrangements will be paid for in advance and,

when the time comes, be fulfilled by the burial

society and various members of the community

my final resting place will be in Wassenaar, a

town six kilometers from The Hague on the North

Sea coast; while far from where my ancestors rest

in Chicago, I chose to be closer to my children

31MAR23 | BLUR

So much of my life is a blur, so many un-remembered

moments; like that time I was in Charleston where all

I can recall is the dreaded calzone incident; it seems as

if my recollections are like a faded 8mm highlight reel

and it's not like I remember the most cherished moments

of my past, after all, eating only two bites of a supposed

vegetarian-friendly calzone to find pieces of chicken in

its layers of cheese and sauce hardly qualifies as cherished

but those are the random unexceptional vignettes that seem

to characterize how I look back in search of noteworthy events

that would support the notion that my life was indeed every bit

as extraordinary as I make it out to be; at least to myself, anyway

how does my fragmented brain select and compartmentalize all

these quirky random reminiscences, sorting and filtering and

layering memory upon memory? sure I remember lots of things,

the parrot in the Fontainebleau lobby in Miami Beach, for example

I have many memories of that trip to Miami with my grandfather in

1968; the Batman sticker he bought me and pasted on my shoulder

bag; breakfasts at Sambo's, the hurricane and the day we escaped

the heat by sitting through three showings of Bullitt; I was only five