December 2021
About Poemography
To commemorate the tenth anniversary of my Poem-A-Day Project, I am reprising my daily poetry challenge in 2021.
Every day this year—from January 1st until the 31st of December—I will create a new poem inspired by whatever moves me at the moment I sit down to compose that day's poem, publishing them here for all to read, enjoy and contemplate.
31DEC21
Le Pressentiment (One Perfect Day)
I know where I want to be this time next year
Holding you in my arms and talking all night
With half-filled glasses of wine and petit four
Cases strewn about the room; I want to laugh
And I want to cry and I want you to see me in
My strength and vulnerability; to see what can
Be seen behind the veil of my existence; to feel
The truth and the promise of what the future can
Bring; I want to look deeply into your eyes, to
See the joy in your soul and to be immersed
In a world of our creation; but most of all, I
Want to listen to your stories and watch as you
Fall asleep in the afterglow of one perfect day;
Then to wake up by your side and walk with
You along sandy beaches, through fire and
Rain and every last second of this mortal life
30DEC21
Screenplay
All the scenarios that fill my head; the
Imaginary worlds I create like elaborate
Stage plays or black and white films where
Men in dark suits and thin neckties come home
From their sterile offices with wood panel walls
Greeted at the door by their apron-clad wives,
Meatloaf, mashed potato and gravy dinners
And perfect children who read books and
Listen to Puff the Magic Dragon on the
Hi-Fi in the converted rumpus room;
But my screenplays never seem to
Have happy endings, only the
Bittersweetness of the tragic
Comedies whose heroes
Die alone with their
Hearts in their hands
29DEC21
Where Anguish Looms
It's a back and forth ordeal;
Wanting, not wanting and then
Wanting all over again; and there
Is no harsher truth that my years are
Waning and the fear of living is now
Just as profound as is the fear of
Dying; that everything around is
A harbinger of what is to come
That the betrayal of those once
Loved, cherished and relied upon
Paints the clearest picture of what the
World has truly become, a place where
Nothing is sacred, no one regarded for
The kindness of their deeds or the
Gentleness of their judgement; a
Place where only anguish looms
28DEC21
Disclosure
I want to tell you everything
So you'll hear it from the
Horse's mouth; but I'm
Afraid the stories are
Lackluster and bereft
Of the gleeful details
That you might come
To expect; I want to
Tell you about the
Good times and
The bad times;
Reveal every
Part of me so
You'll always know the
Heart that loved you was
As pure as the driven snow
27DEC21
When the Fog Lifts
When the fog lifts
Blue skies appear
To remind me that
The illusion of life
Isn't merely some
Technicolor trance
But a wash of tone
And daydreams in
Monochromatic hues
Coloring the landscape
Of my mind in dreamy
Pastels, charcoal and acrylic;
When the fog lifts I can see you
Standing there on the platform with a
Bouquet of flowers in your hand and the
Sweetest smile I have ever seen upon your lips
26DEC21
The Night Train
I woke up just as the sun was
Rising over Messina; you were
Sleeping with your hand resting
Gently over mine; and I recalled a
Day, some years ago now, when we
Were all but mere strangers who
Spent hours chatting about our
Pasts, about music, books
And our children; about
Shoes and Jews and the life
We'd choose if we were given
The chance to start it all over again;
And as the train pulled slowly into
Palermo, I felt free for the first time
In my life; free to be who I knew
I was always destined to be
25DEC21
Nostalgic Melancholia
It was fifteen years ago today
That you left us; you took your last
Breath while I held you tightly in my
Arms as breaking news of James Brown's
Passing flashed on CNN and "I Feel Good"
Made the TV speakers crackle during the
Report of the Godfather of Soul's death
In Atlanta just hours before; I sat there,
Numb, holding you in my arms in your
Urine-soaked blanket while the desperate
Haunting din of Simon wailing in the back
Bedroom sent chills through my body; too tired
To cry, too devastated to mourn and all I wanted
Was to see the rise and fall of the blanket; to
See that it wasn't as I knew it was; to see
Breath where I knew breath was no more
24DEC21
Shadows and Light
I suppose I saw it as a way
To stave off loneliness, to try
Reducing the chances of living
The rest of my life alone; but in the
End, all I had managed to do was
Plunge deeper and deeper into
An abyss of isolation and the
Kind of reticent aloneness
That oftentimes made me
Feel that life was simply not
Worth living; that nothing I said
Or did had any worth or substance;
That I was a mere shadow on the wall
Because light, in order to be light,
Needed there to be shadow; but
Even shadows can be light
23DEC21
Discord and Desire
Every now and again my
My heart and my brain duke
It out; like teenage boys on the
Playground, one pit against the other
Flaunting their bravado while hoping
The new girl takes notice of only
Them; and it's almost always
About girls, isn't it?
The angel on one
Shoulder, the devil on the
Other like a stupid game we
Play with ourselves in the senseless
Attempt to justify why we have this
Unrelenting desire to be needed,
To be wanted, to be loved and
Held in the highest regard
22DEC21
Eventually
Eventually, the storm passes,
The sun shines again, snow melts,
Leaves return to their branches and
Life goes on as it always has and does
Eventually, broken hearts mend, love is
Reborn, tears turn to laughter and the
Day becomes night; eventually, time
Fades into the future, the future
Returns to the past and all we
Came to believe as truth concedes
To having been lies; eventually, the tide
Recedes and the sand and sea once again
Meld into foamy green, rushing between our
Toes and leaving us with the sensation that
We are neither moving nor still; and
Eventually, all that remains is fate
21DEC21
Memento Mori
The winter bears a harsh
Reminder that everything
Dies; that we are nothing
More than grass soon to
Return to the dark void of
The universe from whence
We came; but to leave in
A mortal state barren of
Love or a heart filled with
Tender memories and the
Gentle touch of a woman's
Hand upon my face is the
Most bleak and despairing
Outcome of them all, one
Whose weight feels like a
Ton of freshly fallen snow
20DEC21
Distractions
I hope I did not cause
Too many distractions;
Today was like a long
Continuous song, one
That reminds me of Joe
Jackson's second Night
And Day album where
All the tracks are strung
Together by a common
Beat; but the LP ends in
Forty-six minutes and the
Stylus eventually skips the
Groove and a new record
Is placed on the turntable,
Vibrating soulful sounds far
Beyond the dreary grey
19DEC21
Traces of Blue
Inspired by traces of blue
Peaking out intermittently
From behind ivory clouds
Revealing hope and calm
And no sooner than I see
Them, they are concealed
Once again by the misty
Overcast of a sunless day
The air is heavy and damp,
My breathing labored and
Wheezy, lungs bearing the
Brunt of anxious thoughts
I would do anything to see
The clear blue sky, to feel
A warm ray of sunshine on
My sullen and sorrowful face
18DEC21
Your Letter
I received your letter today and,
To be perfectly honest, quite
Surprised that it arrived by
Post (that it arrived at all);
I sat by the kitchen window
Reading it, slowly, somewhat
Methodically, concentrating on
Every word as to not misconstrue
The meaning; and within were a
Few niceties and thinly veiled
Apologies; some retrospect
And what I thought were
Reflections of pain and
Regret and your accurate
Assumption that you and I
Could never be as we once were
17DEC21
Conspiracy Theories
I never pay much attention to
All the conspiracy theories
That seem to always be
Floating around;
Though I will
Say some are quite
Amusing, entertaining
Even, and I will admit that I
Occasionally seek a few of
These out online to pass
The time or have a
Laugh or two;
And if any of
These are actually true,
I don't suppose there would be
Much I could do about it anyway
16DEC21
Gone Astray
I sat a moment on my daughter's
Bed and played her Simon and
Garfunkel's Greatest Hits for the
First time; unfazed, she quietly
Sat staring at her phone while
I looked long and hard at myself
In the mirror, an old man with a
Stubbly chin looking more like a
Sugar-coated doughnut than a
Chin, gazing back at me while
Wondering who I was, what I had
Become and just for whom those
Tears welling up in my tired eyes
Were for; and in that short space
Of time, I realized how lost I was,
How far I had strayed from myself
15DEC21
That One Question
They are shocked when hearing
My answer to that one question;
Everyone always wants to know
How often I get back to the States
Every twenty-three years, I tell them;
I love seeing the expression of utter
Stupefaction as their eyes grow wide
Beneath their white paper face masks;
It was June of 1998, just days before
My grandmother passed away; I took
My seven-month-old son to see her on
Her deathbed just as she had wished;
We arrived on Friday and by Monday
Afternoon she was gone, caught a ride
With a passing storm; I kissed her face
As the sun peaked in through the window
14DEC21
Only Just a Little Bit Broken
I used to play with toy soldiers
Cap guns and magic tricks;
I sold Kool-Aid on folding
TV tray tables in back
Of our apartment on
Rosemont; I was afraid
Of David French and the
Gaylords and whatever those
Flying things my mom called
Wasps that were nested
Outside our kitchen
Window that the
Always-empty can
Of Raid never seemed
To kill; so, I suppose in the
End I'm only a little bit broken
13DEC21
Bathing
Soaking for
Sixteen minutes
Listening to Kornfield
Contemplating how long
My fingernails have grown
And how smooth and
Intact my cuticles
Are; and I'm
Reminded so
Often these days
Of memories from my
Childhood; old telephone
Numbers, avocado green
Things and the girl who
Who let me touch her
Cleavage at recess
12DEC21
Time Travel
I could do it
Travel in time
But time not in
The sense of time
But spacial, one
Which transcends
Boundaries of
Time as we
Know it; I
Would return
To Granada, to
The place where it
All began; I would
Wipe away every
Single memory
Of the past
11DEC21
An Unspeakable Tragedy (For Oliver)
While we were celebrating
Our daughter's twelfth
Birthday, another
Family was
Living an
Unspeakable
Tragedy; a young
Man in the prime of
Life; loved beyond
Words but there
Was pain no
One could
Fathom; a
World no one
Would ever come to
Inhabit has been lost forever
10DEC21
The Unknown Self
There is a part of me
I call the unknown self;
Tired when I'm awake
Hungry when well fed
Smiling on the outside
While crying internally;
I live in a universe of
Constant contrasts and
Contradictions; I'm thin
And fat, wise and obtuse
Sullen and jovial; but of
All the unknowns, there is
A self so ubiquitous and
Bursting with life's energy,
It leaves me with a sense
Of pure delight and awe
09DEC21
What Might Have Been
For twenty-five years
I've been begging and
Pleading, trying to get you
To listen to the voice of reason;
But that voice was mine and no
Reason coming from me would
Ever be reason enough for
You to listen; I often think
About what might have
Been had you taken heed
Of my advice, listened to the
Words I was saying with a deep
Understanding of how what I had
Tried to tell you could have made
A difference for all of us, our
Loves, lives and longings
08DEC21
Family Affairs
There are times when turning a blind eye
Is actually the best course of action when
It comes to these difficult family affairs; it's
Never easy dealing with these dilemmas
And more difficult when there is distance
Involved, oceans and thousands of miles
Separating me from everything I left behind
All those years ago; the people, memories
The quandaries and hardships, the dreams
And nightmares and sleepless nights; the
Angst and consternation about confronting
The inevitability of death and dying and all
Those who were ever loved and cherished
Passing into the oblivion of the unknown,
Leaving a gaping hole where not even the
Light of day can illuminate the way home
07DEC21
The Kessler Effect (Part 2)
I spent an innocent Saturday
Afternoon with a friend at
The Old Orchard Bowl;
Ran into Stacy who
Went to school with
Us before moving out to
Skokie; she invited me back
To her house saying her parents
Had gone away for the weekend
And her older brother went to
The movies and wouldn't be
Back until late; she went
To her room to change
And came back wearing
Panties, a brassiere and a
Sultry grin; told her I had to leave
06DEC21
The Kessler Effect (Part 1)
Michelle was beautiful,
So was Stacy; with the
Former, it all began quite
Innocently at summer camp;
We were on a three-day trip,
Canoeing and hiking on
Lake Delton, Wisconsin;
She approached me
Out of the blue; we
Barely knew each other
And only ever spoke on the
Softball field; she asked if she
Could share my sleeping bag
That night though I wasn't
Sure what she meant; I
Slept the night through
05DEC21
Frivolous Consumption
All of these contrived
Fictitious characters,
These Tooth Fairies,
Easter Bunnies,
Santas and the
Like; and they all
Come bearing gifts
Of one sort or another;
But there's no semblance
Of reason, no sign or
Symbolism revealing
A deeper meaning
Behind the hoaxes;
It's all about frivolous
Spending and making kids
Happy with stuff they don't need
04DEC21
Debbie (In Memoriam)
You were my first teenage crush;
I waited all year to spend the
Summer in L.A. at my aunt
And uncle's house up the
Street on Fairhaven; we
Were upstairs watching TV
In the guest room when you got
Up and walked into the closet; how
Strange, I thought, so I asked what
You were doing in there and you
Said why don't you open the
Door and see for yourself;
You were standing there
With only your bikini bottoms on;
Then you shut the door, switched off
The light and kissed me for the first time
03DEC21
Brandy
I've been hard-pressed to
Remember how things
Actually got started;
We had very little,
If anything at all,
In common; but you
Were adamant about
Inviting yourself over to my
Apartment for dinner, saying
How you had grown tired
Of dorm life and crappy
Cafeteria food; and
As you were leaving
You turned around to kiss
Me goodbye; but you shut the
Door and pushed me onto the bed
02DEC21
Lynne
I love the dreams where feelings can
Be felt, where the touch of skin is so
Real and an embrace can take your
Breath away waking you from deep
Sleep; and despite your being late
For such an urgent affair, you took
The time to take your coat off and
Walk over to where I was standing
Looking for you out of the window;
You approached and I was surprised
To see that you had come back when
You had been running behind; you
Threw your arms around me in a tight
Bear hug, looked me in the eye and
Told me you loved me, but no more or
Less than you did when we were kids
01DEC21
Andy
Tarzana, 1984;
I was twenty, you
Were older; we had
A lot in common, Jewish
Backgrounds, both of us
From out east moved
To L.A. seeking a
Better life, fame
And fortune; you
Worked at Nordstrom
At the Estée Lauder counter,
I would visit you at lunchtime;
We arranged for our days off
To be the same so we could
Meet at the pool and pass
The afternoons together